


The Shame Isn't in the Walk

by PinkRabbitPro



Series: Hearts Falling [4]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-20
Updated: 2016-06-20
Packaged: 2018-07-16 04:33:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7252237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PinkRabbitPro/pseuds/PinkRabbitPro
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kara, Cat and Alex all end up in Kara's apartment, leading to a necessary conversation between Kara and her sister.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Shame Isn't in the Walk

If Kara had been paying attention she probably would have noticed the looseness of her front doorknob or the scratch marks around the lock, but half asleep, her body still humming with pleasure, she just breezed through, feet just barely touching the ground, and that faint contact was only with some effort when what she really wanted to do was just keep flying.

Preferably high and fast and grinning the whole time because it turned out that contrary to her previous impression, sex really could be all it was cracked up to be with the right partner and she was pretty damned good at it. Enough so that if Carter hadn’t been on his way home, she’d still be enjoying her favorite new pastime, or at least staring adoringly at Cat and contemplating her favorite new pastime.

A broad grin on her face and an extra bounce in her step, she bounded into the kitchen as she contemplated what she might have on hand in the way of food. Cat’s kitchen had been on the sparse side after Kara had spent several days free-ranging during their down times. Unfortunately, she wasn’t certain her own kitchen was much better. Left overs were out. She never had any. And it had been close to a week since she’d done a grocery run. Which meant—

“So who is it?”

Kara jumped two feet and pivoted toward her livingroom, mouth pursing as she spotted Alex where she was lounging on the couch in a darkened corner of the room. Her sister grinned, showing teeth so white Kara was amazed she hadn’t noticed her before. “Who’s what?” Kara questioned, not liking the way Alex’s eyes were sparkling at all. Experience told her that when her sister got that look, it didn’t bode well for her.

“Who’s the SOB who sent my sister home alone on the walk of shame?”

_Oh hell, Alex knew._ Kara felt a bright flush crawl up her cheeks. “I don’t know what you’re—”

“Don’t even,” her sister cut her off, her tone sharp, though her eyes were twinkling. She pushed to her feet. “You missed movie night—”

“I told you—”

“And game night,” Alex added with a smirk.

“I had to work,” Kara insisted, her voice rising in volume enough to speak over Alex. “Ever since the attack, Cat’s been on a tear,” she continued, making an effort to sound outraged at what Alex was suggesting. “I would never—”

Alex flashed her an annoyed look and shook her head. “Oh, please. I stopped by CatCo both nights to offer food and sympathies over your slave driver boss. You were nowhere near the place.” She smirked. “And when I asked around, her highness has been taking some time off since her little plunge, so you’ve been fibbing, sis.”

“I...we must have just—”

“Do not,” Alex warned her little sister and shook a finger right in her face.

Kara’s mouth snapped shut.

Alex smirked and reached past Kara to swing the fridge door open. “Got you some groceries by the way. I noticed the larder was bare and figured you’d be hungry after the walk of shame.”

“Would you please stop calling it that?” Kara demanded through a flinch.

Alex just grinned. “Got lotsa protein,” she pointedly ignored Kara. “Gotta keep your strength up after all.” She waggled her eyebrows suggestively.

“Alex!” Kara snapped and held up her hands in a combination surrender and halting motion. Then a thought struck her. “Hey, my landlord replaced the lock just last week, and I didn’t give you the new key yet.”

Dark brows shot up, and Alex might have looked the tiniest bit guilty for a brief second, then grinned and said, “So about whoever caused the _Walk of Shame_ —”

But Kara was already headed for the front door. At super speed. “You broke in,” she yelped, then jiggled the knob and noted the looseness. “Alex, I just had that fixed from when _I_ broke it! My landlord’s never going to believe two faulty doorknobs in a row.”

Alex waved it off. “I’ll get somebody from the DEO to deal with it...and get the new key from them.”

Kara snorted something unkind under her breath about not necessarily wanting Alex coming and going with no warning, but kept her argument more impersonal. “The landlord needs a copy of the key...which you would know if you actually had a life outside of the DEO.”She pushed the door shut and spun to find her sister standing a couple of feet away and grinning. “And I would rather _not_ have the entire DEO traipsing through the place at all hours.” There was a reason she kept ‘ _forgetting_ ’ to give Alex the new key.

“Sooo,” Alex drawled thoughtfully, completely ignoring Kara’s efforts to change the subject. “Are things back on with James?” she asked with a grin. “I know he’s still interested.”

“No,” Kara responded as she disappeared, then reappeared, screwdriver in hand and began trying to tighten the locking plate on her doorknob.

“Ooo, decided to give Winn a whirl, then?”

Kara glared over the top rim of her glasses.

Alex showed no sign of noticing, just folded her arms and waited patiently.

“No,” Kara finally muttered.

“Is it somebody from the DEO?”

“No,” Kara replied in a tone that didn’t invite further questions.

Not knowing that many people at CatCo, Alex found herself somewhat at a loss, though she had been there enough times to get a few glimpses of the staff. “Hmmm, that cute guy that works for James...the blonde with the broad shoulders and the—”

“No,” Kara growled.

A sudden thought occurred to the brunette. “Please tell me it’s not Max Lord.”

Kara froze, then tipped her head up and stared at her sister in open disbelief. “God no,” she exhaled after a moment and shuddered in genuine horror. “Why would you even think...of... _that_?” She shuddered and muttered under her breath. “Gross.”

“I dunno. I just thought he’s kinda cute...in a vaguely psychopathic way.” Alex shrugged and was just drawing breath to apologize and admit she’d gone a step too far when there was a light knock on the door.

Kara glared. “Not that cute and extremely psychopathic way,” she corrected, then pushed to her feet, and opened the door in one move. She froze as she saw who stood there.

One Cat Grant, dressed down, which meant black yoga pants, a very expensive, very gaudy pair of Margiela sneakers and a simple grey and black t-shirt that probably cost more than Kara’s monthly rent. She was dragging some kind of rolling luggage cart loaded with groceries behind her, and had a single, smaller bag tucked in one arm. As Kara stared, goggle-eyed, Cat nodded to indicate the bag and offered a sly smile.

“Ice cream,” Cat drawled. “I know how much you enjoy it.”

A dull flush crawled over Kara’s cheeks as she remembered exactly how and how much she’d enjoyed Cat’s supply. She swallowed hard. “I...um...I thought you...umm... _Carter_?” she said, her voice rising in question at the end.

Cat shrugged. “His father changed plans...again...not due home until tomorrow.” She made a pouty face. “And I couldn’t sit home quietly.”

“Oh, that’s...um...” Kara trailed off, not wanting to admit to the tiny leap of joy that they had another night. Meanwhile, she heard Alex muttering behind her, musing on assorted men she’d seen in places where Kara was likely to spend time. She seriously considered slapping her when she reached the very openly gay male barista at Noonan’s who regularly flirted with both Winn and James and either ignored her or got her order wrong.

“So I guessed you could use groceries.” Cat grinned proudly and simply pushed the door open to breeze past both of them with a mildly distracted, “Agent Scully,” directed at Alex along the way.

Kara did a sharp pivot just in time to see Alex’s equally distracted response, a grumbled, “Mmph,” and the smallest possible acknowledging hand gesture.

From where she stood it was perversely fascinating to watch them. Technically, they were existing in the same space, but somehow both women had developed a weird sort of blindness to that fact. Alex moved back to the couch, completely focused on her phone, muttering to herself as she scrolled through various options and occasionally entered new search topics only to discard whatever answer she got with growled complaints.

Cat, meanwhile, was busy being entirely too cheerful for someone who was usually the grumpiest person in the room. A smile on her face and occasionally humming softly, she was deeply involved in the relatively mundane act of putting away groceries. She teased Kara, making jokes and comments that were just barely short of open flirting. Once she even bumped Kara’s hip, and turned on a wicked grin. In fact, the only hint of her usual brusque manner was her response upon discovering several store brand items in the refrigerator.

She straightened and did a sharp pivot, turning a pointed glare toward Kara as she held up a jar of pickles. She pointed at the rather generic logo and pursed her lips tightly.

Cat Grant did not do store brands.

“Um, Alex,” Kara murmured defensively, nodding toward her still furiously researching sister. “She...uh...well, she got here before I did and noticed my fridge was bare, so she helped out.”

“Ah,” Cat exhaled, mouth pursed into a disapproving line. “I suppose she was trying to be helpful,” she muttered, tone kinder, but still tinged with disapproval. She glanced at the brand name on the counter, then the generic version of the same item her hand, then at Kara who shrugged helplessly. Finally, she settled for shoving the store brands to the back, but not throwing them out the way Kara was certain she would have done in her own home. “You’ll eat it eventually,” Cat observed with an eyeroll and a headshake that expressed clearly what she thought of that idea. She pinned a sharp gaze on Kara as she picked up another item Alex had brought. “Cheese food?” she sighed and shook her head. “There’s cheese in a can somewhere in this apartment, isn’t there?”

“Possibly. “ Kara flinch-shrugged. “It’s name brand,” she offered hopefully, then added, “The WalMart version is really awful.”

Cat’s expression said quite clearly that they were all awful, but she didn’t argue, whereas Alex never looked up, but did mutter in the background, “The WalMart extra sharp cans are pretty good.”

Kara shuddered and shook her head. “ _No, they’re not_ ,” she mouthed to Cat who rolled her eyes and went back to putting things away.

Alex, meanwhile, seemed to be scrolling through her phone at an ever higher rate of speed.

Kara abruptly realized she’d come to a halt, head tipped to one side, and was simply watching Alex, uncertain quite what to make of her actions. She’d been there a minute or two when she abruptly became aware of Cat moving abreast of her and mimicking her pose, head likewise tipped to the side, brows drawn into a frown.

“She’s very...intense...” Cat exhaled after a long moment. “Particularly about ignoring me,” she muttered under her breath as she turned away again.

Hearing the stress in the other woman’s voice, Kara pivoted to peer at Cat’s stiff back with a frown. She knew the other woman didn’t like being ignored in most situations, but instinct told her this wasn’t about her default need for attention. “Cat?” she whispered very softly as she approached her from behind. She settled a gentle hand on a slim shoulder.

Cat was silent for a long moment, then did a slow turn, leaning back against the counter as she faced Kara. “She doesn’t approve,” she said very softly.

Kara did a quick glance back, confirming that Alex was still focused on her phone and muttering to herself.

“.. _.maybe that cute doorman...”_

“She doesn’t know,” Kara sighed, uncertain whether she was feeling relieved or something more complex over that realization.

A blonde eyebrow arched into a steep peak and Cat leaned to one side, peering around Kara at Alex where she sat on the couch, utterly engrossed. “If you say so,” she exhaled, not quite at full Cat Grant levels of sarcasm, but definitely well over the her normal default. She flicked a glance up at Kara, worry visible in her eyes.

“What?” Kara whispered, careful to keep her voice low, though with the way Alex was determinedly ignoring them, she wasn’t sure why she bothered.

Cat tipped a bit sideways again, her expression thoughtful as she watched Alex for a moment. Finally, she blinked and shook herself as though tossing off a thought. When she looked at Kara again, her expression was far too neutral for comfort.

“Y’know, if you’re this embarrassed by the new guy,” Alex complained, “maybe you oughta consider giving James another chance. God, he has a body.”

This time Kara didn’t have to search for reasons for the flash in Cat’s eyes or the tiny shudder the shook her slender frame. “You know I’m not...” She didn’t finish, instead settling a hand on Cat’s forearm. “I won’t,” she insisted.

In an effort to appear unaffected, Cat shrugged and turned back toward the few remaining groceries, her posture unusually stiff as she started putting things away again.

_Damn._ Kara’s gaze swung back and forth between the two women, the weird way they ignored one another no longer even remotely humorous. “I...” she started to say something only to trail off, uncertain what would solve her problem or even what her precise problem was.

“ _...huh...that security guard isn’t half bad,”_ Alex said _sotto voce_ in the background. “ _She could do worse_.”

Kara glanced up then, and couldn’t decide if she’d imagined Alex throwing one quick, grim glance their way. _No, she wouldn’t_... But by the time she looked fully at her sister, Alex’s gaze was downcast again. She did a slow pivot back toward Cat, whose back was, if anything, even stiffer. No surprise she’d heard Alex. She wasn’t exactly keeping her voice in superhearing only ranges. Her hand settled naturally at the small of Cat’s back as she leaned close and kept her voice low. She didn’t take time to consider, just whispered, “I...I think I should tell Alex...about us, I mean.” She paused for a brief second. “If it’s okay with you.”

Cat turned, leaning back against the counter to peer up at Kara. “I’ve nothing to hide, but are you sure you’re ready?”

“I...” Kara glanced back at Alex while her stomach knotted painfully. Invulnerability was good for a lot of things, but it didn’t do a damn thing for this. “I think I have to,” she sighed, warmed when Cat patted her arm gently.

“Do you want me to stay or—” A muffled funeral dirge interrupted Cat’s question and she retrieved her cell phone from a pocket, her tone brisk as she answered.

Ignoring the irony of her lover’s chosen ring tone, Kara listened in as the police detective on Cat’s case explained they wanted to speak to her again. By the sound of it, Kara was willing to bet Mike Ross had given them yet another version of events. He’d spun so many it was becoming perversely comedic as each iteration painted him as more innocent and more sexually irresistible to every woman around. Cat bristled, but agreed to come in.

“I—” Cat began when she hung up, but Kara held up a hand.

“I think it’s better I do this alone anyway,” she said softly. Cat and Alex both ran at snark and sarcasm levels that could irritate a nun when they were of a mind. Putting the two of them together for a stressful confession session seemed like a bad idea at best. Another quick glance back confirmed that Alex was still buried in her phone in a way that struck Kara as being not entirely unintentional. “But...” She nodded to indicate the phone in Cat’s hand. “Do you want company? Or need Supergirl?”

Cat rolled her eyes, but there was a hint of a smile playing around her lips in response to the question. “I’m an adult,” she sniffed, not yet ready to acknowledge how nice it was to have someone care after so many years of dealing with everything alone. “I think I can handle a simple meeting.”

Well versed in Cat-Grantese, the way she rarely said what she actually meant, particularly with an audience like Alex in the room, Kara simply reached out and pulled her into a hug. Sometimes it was easier to just cut to the chase. Cat was rigid, almost resistant.

Kara just gathered her closer, carefully pulling the smaller woman into her body and leaning their heads together.

Then, like a rubber band snapping, Cat’s tension let go. Wrapping her arms around Kara, she buried her face in the curve of her neck and clung so tightly Kara could feel every ragged breath she drew in and hear every beat of her heart.

“You sure you don’t want me to come with you?” Kara whispered near her lover’s ear. She felt the movement as Cat shook her head.

“‘ll be fine,” came the muffled response, though Cat didn’t immediately let go, just held on and even nosed in a little deeper. She took several deep breaths, then finally straightened her shoulders and stepped back a half pace.

Kara followed, pushing up on her toes to press a soft kiss to Cat’s forehead. “You’ll call if you need me?” she said, her voice somewhere between a question and an order.

Cat nodded. “I’ll be fine,” she assured her young lover with an appropriately dismissive eye roll of the mere idea that she wouldn’t. “I can certainly deal with one rather poor liar and a detective dumb enough to believe him.”

“I’ll be there the moment you need me,” Kara insisted. “You just have to call.”

Cat nodded, her smirk all bravado and false courage as she stepped back. She nodded to Alex who was all but hiding behind her phone, holding it up in front of her face as though she could block Cat’s very existence. “Agent Scully.”

Alex grunted, but didn’t look up.

After that, Kara saw Cat out, brushing a hand along the small of her back, then sharing another quick hug at the door. Finally, Cat slipped away, hurrying down the hall. Kara pushed the door closed, then took a moment to steel herself before turning back. When she finally returned to the livingroom, Alex was still on her phone, but had relaxed somewhat and no longer appeared to be trying to hide behind it.

“What about this guy?” Alex asked thoughtfully as she tapped the screen. “He’s pretty cute and according to the CatCo website he’s the senior arts editor.” She flicked a serious gaze Kara’s way. “That’s your new division, isn’t it?”

“Are you talking about Steve Palmeri?” Kara asked as she ambled Alex’s way. “He _is_ cute.”

Alex’s expression brightened and she nodded.

“I don’t think his wife would appreciate that sort of thing though...particularly with the new baby they just had.”

Alex’s expression fell.

Kara heaved a sigh and took up a seat on the edge of the coffee table so she was right in front of Alex. This was likely to take some major eye contact. “You’re not going to answer the question this way.”

Alex’s expression went through a whole series of contortions as she considered that response. “So you’re admitting there’s someone?” she said at last, her tone guarded.

Kara nodded. “Yeah.” She leaned forward, elbows braced on her thighs as she peered at her sister seriously. “And I think you—”

Alex’s phone dinged and she looked down at it, then suddenly grinned. “So it is James,” she all but crowed as she held up her phone to show a publicity photo that had been taken of James and Kara at a recent charity event. They were standing together and James was focused on her, his hand resting at the small of her back.

Kara couldn’t help but notice that while James was staring hungrily at her, she was looking off to the side, her attention elsewhere, ignoring him completely.

“I mean, look at the way he’s looking at you,” Alex insisted.

As Kara peered at the picture, she remembered the moment. James had been talking about something—Clark maybe—telling some story about their times together she suspected was meant to impress. Kara barely remembered. Her entire focus had been on Cat. She’d been on the other end of the room, ignoring Maxwell Lord so pointedly he’d been driven to flirt for all he was worth.

Which was, unfortunately, quite a bit. He’d teased, cajoled, flashed his sleazy smile over and over and clearly taken Cat’s rudeness as encouragement to try harder.

Kara had wanted to storm over and break his jaw, let it heal, then break it again.

She wasn’t a fan.

But Cat had looked over, making eye contact for the briefest second before shaking her head ever so slightly and punctuating the silent command to stand down with the quickest of winks.

It didn’t take super-hearing to listen in on what happened next.

“Security!” Cat’s shriek—and if Cat Grant knew nothing else, she knew how to shriek—had risen above the milling crowd until everyone in the room, possibly everyone on the property, including the valet parking guy who was testing the volume on the expensive audio-visual package in Cat’s Jaguar heard the media mogul’s response when Max made the mistake of putting a hand on her shoulder and trying to pull her in close to dance.

Somehow, and Kara had to admit, she wasn’t quite sure, Cat had managed to simultaneously humiliate Max, paint herself as the victim and get him to donate a very large check to the children’s home they were there for.

It was entertaining, to say the least. It wasn’t the moment she realized she loved Cat or anything like that—she was already there by then, if she was honest—but it had definitely made an impression.

Which is all to say that James wasn’t exactly a centerpiece of the memory.

“It’s obvious he’s really into you,” Alex broke in on Kara’s thoughts as she pulled the phone back, turning it around to study the photo again.

Reaching out, Kara settled her hand on the screen. “Whatever James is into, I like him, but not like that,” she said almost gently. Oh, she’d tried for a bit, but it had petered out as it became obvious that neither of them was enjoying the experience. James wanted a woman who worshiped and adored him between bouts of saving the world, being absolutely perfect and letting him take the lead in all things sexual. Kara wanted Cat.

It wasn’t a match made in heaven.

“But—” Alex started to argue.

“It’s Cat.” Trying to do this gently wasn’t going to work, so Kara decided to just put it out there.

“That’s not it,” Alex denied without missing a beat.

Kara blinked, caught by surprise. She’d forgotten how intense Alex’s denial engine could get. “Yeah, yeah, it is.”

“Cut the jokes,” Alex snorted with an annoyed eye roll. “Seriously, who is it?”

“ _Cat. Grant,_ ” Kara said slowly and carefully, hoping that maybe a firm tone would drive the point home and make Alex hear her for once.

“Very funny, but given that you’re not a lesbian—”

“Close enough actually...particularly after the last few days... _with Cat_.” Kara sharpened her gaze. “And that means exactly what you don’t want to think it means.” It occurred to Kara that Cat was possibly rubbing off on her a little.

Meanwhile, it was Alex’s turn to react with a shocked blink.

Kara couldn’t contain a small, sad sigh. “I think I love her.”

“Fine,” Alex finally summoned the breath to grumble. “You’re having your college lesbian affair a little late, but that doesn’t mean—”

“Actually, I had it right on time,” Kara inserted, her tone dry. She’d let Alex push this topic off for too long already because of her own cowardice, but this time it mattered too much. “Remember Helena? I brought her home for Thanksgiving my sophomore year.”

A flinch rattled through Alex. “I didn’t...I mean, you never said you were—”

“Every time I tried, you changed the subject or fled the room. Seemed easier to just leave it alone...especially since after that...well, let’s just say it didn’t go well.”

“Which means it was probably a good thing you—”

“Don’t,” Kara said sharply. She ran a hand through her hair, buying time as she struggled to put things into words. Finally, she began carefully, the words coming slow and measured. “I know you, Alex. I know how you are with others and I know you aren’t a homophobe, so why is this such a problem when it’s me?”

“I didn’t...it’s not...I mean, I don’t...you can be whatever you want...I just...” Alex stammered, bumbling over the words and never quite finishing any sentences.

Kara caught a fine-boned hand in her own, holding on when Alex would have pulled away in an effort to reestablish their connection. “Why is it like this?” she questioned seriously. “Do you remember in high school, when I had a crush on Gina Burdette—”

“I remember when you had a thing for her brother, _Andy_ ,” Alex growled, the words sound rough and defensive even to her own ears.

“No, I didn’t,” Kara denied. “You pushed me at Andy...” She thought about it for a moment, seeing the pattern she’d carefully ignored for so many years. She’d let it go so many times in the past, but this was too important. Cat would never tolerate being ignored or shuffled to the side. “And at James too...and Winn before that...and Jim Greer...and...you push me at men.” Kara leaned forward, something akin to desperation in her eyes. “You’re my sister and I love you more than anything, but what’s going on?” She blinked at a few tears that threatened to fall. “Would it really be that awful if I—”

“No!” Alex snapped instantly, then added another, “No,” her voice softer and lower this time. She shook her head, struggling for words. “I love you no matter what. I just...I’ve only ever wanted what was best for you—”

“Do you really think that’s being with someone I don’t want?” Kara growled, her voice low and angry.

Alex pulled up short, whatever she was about to say knocked right out of her. “N-n-no,” she stammered at last. “It’s just...y-you don’t know what the world can be like.”

“Yeah, actually, I do.” Kara dropped her chin to peer at the floor between her feet, the pain in her stomach and chest making her want to crawl into a hole and pull it in after her. “Believe it or not, I’m not a kid. I know how things work...and I get that I need to hide...things...to lie low...” She tangled her fingers together, using her thumbs to massage her palms, and twisting her hands this way and that to have something to do with them. “And mostly...it’s okay. I mean, the clothes and the glasses and the whole wallflower thing...because...I dunno...it’s not really that hard. I mean, even back home I wasn’t exactly...assertive, I guess.” She paused to heave a sigh and try again to organize her thoughts when a part of her didn’t want to acknowledge or, god forbid, understand any of this. It hurt too much.

Alex’s gaze dropped as she remembered Kara’s rage during the whole Red K experience, the bitterness over all the hiding behind cardigans and thick glasses and the underlying hurt that went with it when she’d come down again. She flinched as she was reminded that Kara was maybe not so happy with the restrictions that had been put on her since coming to Earth.

“But Alex, I can’t do this anymore...date guys I don’t care about. It’s not fair to them or me...” Kara continued, oblivious to her sister’s uneasy soul searching. “Andy, he was nice enough, but he bored me, but it seemed to make you happy, so I tried to pretend...”

Another grand twitch rattled the brunette and her jaw clamped down, muscles cramping with stress.

“And with James...” Kara continued after a long moment of uncomfortable silence, “...you kept talking him up, pushing, pointing out how perfect it would be...how he already knew, already understood...until...” Kara quieted for a long moment, running it all in her head and wringing her hands back and forth. “And I thought maybe...I mean, I actually tried to convince myself I was in love with him to...to make you...approve...” She shook her head a little dazedly. “But it was awful, Alex, awful...not because he was mean or not trying, but because it was all wrong...uncomfortable and...I hated it—”

Alex couldn’t help it. She’d been doing this too long to break old habits that quickly. Some part of was driven to try. “Relationships can be like that at first, then you—”

“Stop!” Kara snapped, then softer, “Just stop.”

Alex skidded to a verbal halt, staring at her sister with a look of guilt and regret that Kara didn’t see because she was back to staring at her hands.

“I told you, I love her,” Kara whispered very softly. “And what’s more, she loves me.” She took a deep breath, then confessed in a rush, “That’s where I’ve been the last few days.”

“I...” Alex started to speak, then froze as she saw, really saw this time, her sister’s hunched shoulders and scared expression. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly as a sick realization slid through her. She’d done this, put that fear and shame on Kara’s face where it had absolutely no place. Which meant she had to fix it. She’d been stubborn and dense and in deep denial, but she wasn’t a complete moron. Kara needed her and she had to do this for Kara’s sake. “So Cat Grant?” she said at last, her voice shaky. “The woman who’s reduced you to screaming in your pillow more than once? Really? You couldn’t have chosen someone even more high maintenance? I mean, was Kim Kardashian not bowled over by the whole Supergirl mystique?”

Kara’s chin snapped up and her brows drew into a confused frown as she tried to decide if Alex was teasing or attacking Cat.

“Nicki Minaj couldn’t spot the cape through the entourage?” Alex tried another joke.

“Cat doesn’t care about the cape,” Kara said seriously, her eyes glittering with quiet anger. “She respects me. That’s why she gave me the promotion...not the cape.”

“I didn’t mean...” Alex began only to fade out. Okay, so that attempt had fallen flat. “I...”

Kara’s chin dropped again as she found the floor painfully interesting. “You know what one of the most amazing things about Cat is?” she whispered, then answered her own question before Alex could get a word in edgewise. “She lets me be me. I don’t have to hide or pretend or be someone I don’t want to be. I can be happy or sad...or angry.” She said the last word with extra emphasis because with everyone else, her anger was always unacceptable. “When I was under the influence of the red kryptonite, I said a few mean things to James and he needed a break from me. I threw Cat off a building, and she took me back the next day and told me I could work my way back into the city’s good graces while making it clear I already had hers. She accepts me. But here’s the thing, even if I didn’t want to be with her, it still wouldn’t be James. Or. Any. Other. Man. You. Find. Acceptable.”

Now it wasn’t just regret in Alex’s eyes, it was shame. She’d told Kara they’d need to talk after that whole nightmare, then carefully avoided doing so. She swallowed hard. None of this was what she’d intended, but she’d done it anyway. “It’s not like that,” she whispered, her voice tight and ragged. “Really...I never meant it like that...or to make you feel like you had to...to do anything to make me happy.” She shook her head, struggling for words. “I just...I’ve only ever wanted to protect you...” She trailed off, took a deep breath, then started again, the words coming in halting bursts. “You’re already...different...enough...and that...that’s dangerous for you...and I...I didn’t want you to have to deal with one more thing you didn’t need to.”

“But you’re defining my needs...and that’s not fair because you’ve got it all wrong. No matter how much you think I should, I don’t need James or Winn, or whatever other guy you want me to run after,” Kara said. “I. Need. _Her_.”

Alex froze for a long moment, jaw working soundlessly. Finally, she reached out, catching strong hands in her own. “I get it,” she exhaled. “I do.” She swallowed hard in an effort to ease the tightness in her throat.

Kara looked up, suspicion and fear reflected in her gaze.

“And I’m so sorry if I made you feel like I didn’t accept you.” Alex rubbed her thumbs over the rise of Kara’s knuckles. “Like I _don’t_ accept you...because I do, Kara.” She paused to swallow hard. “And if Cat Grant is your choice...well...okay.” She reached out to chuck Kara under the chin and offered another wry smile. “I’ll deal with it...and if I don’t, well, get in my face and tell me off.” Then her expression melded into a tiny, big-sister grin. “But you should know I’m gonna tell her if that she ever hurts you, I _will_ kick her ass.”

Kara understood Alex well enough to accept the threat for the peace offering it was. A small smile found its way to her lips and she nodded. “Well, you are my big sister, so I guess that’s okay.”

And then they were hugging hard, each holding on like the other was their last tie to earth.

“I’m sorry,” Alex choked near Kara’s ear, her voice thick with tears. “Can you forgive me?”

“I already have,” Kara sighed as she clung desperately to her sister, grateful to feel the acceptance she’d long needed. “It’s just that this is big and scary and real, and I needed to know you’re on my side.”

“Always,” Alex promised, leaning back enough to peer into blue eyes that would always seem painfully innocent to her. “I may screw up sometimes, but I will always be on your side. I promise...”

  
TBC

 


End file.
